


Royal Revenge

by Linorien



Series: 007 Fest 2017 [8]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 22:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11541606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linorien/pseuds/Linorien
Summary: In which James Bond is going to recieve his knighthood, whether he likes it or not.





	Royal Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was Bond gets knighted by the Queen + Q calling him "Sir James." I misread it as Bond gets kidnapped by the Queen. My brain proceeded to run with the idea and I ended up making it a rare pair fic as well. I don't even know, but it was an absolutely blast to write. No edits, no shame.

 [](http://imgur.com/xIgwLon)

Moneypenny poured another cup of tea for the Queen of England before leaning back and petting the corgi on her lap. These monthly lunches were a great way to relax and have the chance to chill with another woman. Honestly, there were too many men at MI6.

“Too many of them at the palace as well,” the Queen agreed to the thought Moneypenny must’ve said out loud. “Although, speaking of men at MI6, I have a proposition concerning your boyfriend.”

Moneypenny was not ashamed to admit that her mind went so a strange place before she reigned it back in. Surely that was not what Elizabeth had in mind. “Go on,” she said, saying nothing of her thoughts. 

“Perhaps he has not told you, but I have been trying to bestow a knighthood on him for a while now and he has dodged every time. A polite dodge, but still my sword has not touched his shoulders.” Moneypenny sat forward with interest. “Would you be able to arrange for him to be knighted?”

Moneypenny thought for a moment, and then grinned. “Legally, how much consent must he give?”

“He just needs to be conscious while I touch his shoulders.”

“Then send me the details of the next ceremony and I will make sure he is there.”

***

The next day, Moneypenny marched into the quartermaster’s office. He was wearing his magnifying glasses and squinting at a circuit board that looked destined for a toothbrush of all things. “I need your help,” she said, closing the door behind her. 

“If this is about Bond,” he replied, not looking up, “then I am not getting involved. I still haven’t forgiven him for stealing the bike I was working for an destroying it in Germany. The copyrights on the design have already been claimed and I can’t contest it since the blueprints contain secret technology.”

Moneypenny blinked. Bond hadn’t told her about that. “It’s about Bond, but he won’t like what I have planned.” Q looked up at this. “I need to drug him.”

“This had better not be some sort of sex thing,” he said with a scowl as he swivelled his chair away from his bench and back to his computer. “You know I can’t abide even thinking about it if I can help it.”

“The Queen wants to knight him.”

Q’s eyebrows rose. Then a smile crept across his face. “I have a perfect plan.”

***

_ James Bond, _

_ You have been invited to a party to celebrate high scores in training. You have been selected based on your top score in pool bottom sitting - 15.27min. _

_ When: Sunday April 5th, 1800 _

_ Where: Q branch lab G _

_ Food and drinks will be provided. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ Q branch _

***

For a hastily thrown together party, it actually seemed like the agents were enjoying themselves. And it wasn’t just the double-ohs either. Although they were often considered the top agents of MI6, their skills were specialised and they spent a lot of time in the field. It was other agents who held the record in safe cracking, most languages known, percentage of tech returned, and had won the disguise competition.

It almost seemed a shame to interrupt the party. But Q hit the button to release the chloroform gas into the room. Those in the know had not strayed far from a seat and quickly sat down before they collapsed. The others dropped like pebbles in the sea. They waited an extra minute to make sure no one was still awake before Q turned on the fans to filter out the gas.

Moneypenny and Q went in first. Together they lifted Bond and used one of the metal carts to move him to the car. With Q in the driver’s seat, they pulled out of the garage, escorted by two other agency cars, and drove to the palace. 

“Would you get his leg out of my rear view mirror?” 

“If you stopped taking such sharp corners I would’ve had this trousers on five minutes ago!”

“We’ve only been driving for three minutes!”

“It can’t be that hard to wrestle him into his Navy uniform. It’s not even the extra formal one.”

”You want to get back here and wrestle my boyfriend’s half naked body into some clothes?”

“Ugh no! I might accidentally touch his dick when I button the trousers. I will leave that for you.”

“Eyes forward then, Q. I’m lifting his waist way up high.”

“Eve!”

***

Q looked around him as the others filed into the hall where the investitures ceremony was being held. They had arrived extra early to maneuver the still unconscious agent into their seats in the front row. It also gave him and Moneypenny time to change into their formal wear. 

A wave from the balcony showed him that the other double-oh agents on home soil had been woken by his minions and had arrived. He told them they didn’t need to come, but they said they wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Bond stirred slightly through the beginning of the ceremony. Other awards were given out and small speeches were made about the contributions that these individuals have done. It was rather touching and Q felt proud of his fellow countrymen. 

Then the part of the ceremony reserved for knighting arrived. As arranged, Bond was saved for last. The Queen made a lovely speech about how the next recipient was humble and had declined knighthood in the past, but for some reasons she could say, and many she could not, he deserved the recognition without question. 

Moneypenny uncorked the smelling salts and waved it under his nose. Bond sneezed. Oh he was going to be mortified when he watched the recording back again. Q was going to have to save a copy in his blackmail folder. 

When his eyes fluttered open, Moneypenny and Q each placed a hand on his back and shoved him forward. The agent stumbled forward but only made it just far enough to stumble and collapse perfectly on the kneeling stool. 

***

Bond tried to force himself out of this strange groggy state. He had been in the lab at Q branch. There was something, maybe gas, and he fell unconscious. It seemed a little harsh of a revenge for just stealing Q’s bike. 

He blinked his eyes, trying to force them to stay open. He felt a shove from behind and stumbled forward. His legs weren’t quite awake and he fell, but curiously he knees landed on something soft. He finally forced his eyes open as he felt something thin press down briefly on his shoulder. 

He lifted his head more to see the Queen lifting her sword to his other shoulder. Oh no. She handed off the sword and lifted the medal. The Naval training ingrained in him had him bowing slightly so she could hang it around his neck. He stood. He could’ve sworn she was laughing at him.

“I knighted you at last,” she said.

“I’m sure I have Moneypenny to blame for this?” Bond replied, resisting the urge to turn around and flip her off. He could hear the voices of his fellow double-ohs cheering from somewhere behind him. 

“Don’t be too harsh on her, she can’t very well disobey an order from her monarch.”

“And if Moneypenny has not lied to me, your friendship is such that you only asked.” The Queen smiled. “I am honoured, nonetheless,” he conceded.

“And I’m honoured to have you in my service.”

***

“I really hate you both right now,” Bond said as they walked out of the hall. 

“But now I can mount a knight. And play with your lance,” Moneypenny teased with a delighted grin. 

“Ew, Eve!” Q swatted her arm. “I do not want to hear that; I do not want that image in my mind.”

“I’d be happy to practice my jousting with you,” Bond replied. 

“Not you too. Eve, these may not have been a good plan. He only has new material for puns now.”

Bond smirked at Q. “And I outrank you now so you can’t order me to stop.”

He expected Q to groan, but the boffin only grinned wider. “Only if we just consider your knighthood outranking my position in Six. But maybe you need a new pair of glasses to go with your knighthood, Sir James.” He tapped a finger against his own chest. “I’ve already been knighted and as such, I still outrank you.”

Moneypenny didn’t stop laughing all the way back to their house, starting anew as Q saluted them before driving back to his branch. 

 


End file.
